Thursday, March 13, 2014

Freewrite: Healthy Eating



Me: I'm gonna eat more healthy. For reals this time! No more sugar for me!

Health Experts: That's good, but remember that fatty foods are also extremely bad for you.

Me: That makes sense. No more potato chips or bacon, either. I'll make chicken my main protein source.

Health Experts: Better, but be sure to avoid chicken with growth hormones or chemicals.

Me: Okay... That's a bit harder, but okay. Smith's has an organic section.

Health Experts: And make sure that the chickens weren't grown in a factory farm. The conditions stress them out and make the meat bad.

Me: Um... Well it'll be hard to find someone in Provo who raises their own chickens...

Health Experts: Each chicken should have a personal caretaker who feeds the chicken by hand, dresses the chicken in only the finest polyester vests, ensures the chicken gets a good education, and gives the chicken a proper funeral before you eat it.

Me: ....What?

Health Experts: In fact, you should just avoid eating meat at all. It's bad for you.

Me: Okay yeah I can see how that's healthy. And that's easier than finding free-range chickens. Maybe I'll--

Health Experts: Actually, just go vegan. Animal products are bad for you AND it's immoral.

Me: Eeeeh....okay.... Not even cheese?

Health Experts: Just make sure your veggies have no pesticides or chemicals in them.

Me: Again, Smith's has an organic section, so that's--

Health Experts: Every plant should be respectfully cultivated, free to grow as it was meant to grow, with gardeners who sing to them every day to enhance their happiness and thus give you better health benefits. They must never be refrigerated, but must only be harvested when they're ripe and ready to eat.

Me: Um....

Health Experts: And a study showed that Ohio has the best soil, so you should only buy products from there that meet all the above criteria.

Me: ... I'm in Provo. I don't have a car to go to Ohio.

Health Experts: Too bad! You HAVE to conform to these standards of healthy eating or else you're not really "eating healthy" at all! You might as well just go back to eating hamburgers and Frostys!

Me: ...

Health Experts: ...

Me: ...

Health Experts: ...

Me: Bye.

Health Experts: Hey! Where are you going?!

Me: Wendy's.


Ah, Internet. I knew I could count on you when I wanted a picture of a "dapper chicken".
(In case you were worried *cough* DAD *cough* I really do eat relatively healthy food. It's just funny that so many people keep pushing it to the "next level".)

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Doodle in the Margins: Yes, another one...

Sorry, I thought Doodles would be rare on this blog, but I've found myself drawing a lot lately.

(This is terrible quality--I drew it in like fifteen minutes--and I didn't actually scan it, so sorry. But I find myself hilarious sometimes.)



P.S. Roomie and Boyfriend, if you happen to follow my blog, I really do love you both so don't be offended. Just know that this is why we don't hang out. :)

Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Book Review: Way of Kings by Brandon Sanderson



Dude. I LOVE Brandon Sanderson.

This semester, I haven't very much time to read, and so I don't know what compelled me to pick up Way of Kings. It's 1252 pages long, and it's part of a series. A LONG series. After I finished the book, I got online for the fan forums and stuff, and I found that Sanderson plans the Stormlight Archive series to contain 10 books.

TEN.

So while this book is a fine read on its own, and has enough of a conclusion to keep me satisfied for now, I know it's going to drive me crazy waiting years and years to reach the end of the whole story. Thank goodness the second book just came out last week. I get to read the sequel right away! Apologies to all you long-time fans who have been waiting for years...

Thankfully, Brandon Sanderson is a writing machine. As I believe I mentioned in my review of Steelheart, Sanderson is currently working on like eight different series. He's got this one (Stormlight Archive), the sequels to Alloy of Law, the Steelheart series, some Dragonsteel series I've heard of but haven't read, and I'm sure there are others I don't know about! Even his books that were supposedly "standalone" novels (like Elantris and Warbreaker) apparently are going to have sequels.

How does he do that?? Each one is so different from the other--how does he keep them all straight? His mind must work at a million miles per hour to keep all those plot details organized. And it's not like it takes him a long time to write all these brilliant books, either. Check out his bibliography and look how frequently he publishes!

Anyways, here's a synopsis of the book:
Roshar is a world of stone and storms. Uncanny tempests of incredible power sweep across the rocky terrain so frequently that they have shaped ecology and civilization alike. Animals hide in shells, trees pull in branches, and grass retracts into the soiless ground. Cities are built only where the topography offers shelter.

It has been centuries since the fall of the ten consecrated orders known as the Knights Radiant, but their Shardblades and Shardplate remain: mystical swords and suits of armor that transform ordinary men into near-invincible warriors. Men trade kingdoms for Shardblades. Wars were fought for them, and won by them.

One such war rages on a ruined landscape called the Shattered Plains. There, Kaladin, who traded his medical apprenticeship for a spear to protect his little brother, has been reduced to slavery. In a war that makes no sense, where ten armies fight separately against a single foe, he struggles to save his men and to fathom the leaders who consider them expendable.
This doesn't even BEGIN to cover the scope and depth of the plot.

Sanderson's world building is always so thorough that as you get into it, you can really picture the place, even though it's totally foreign. It does take some getting used to, though, much like visiting an actual foreign country. You start the story and there are all these crazy new terms and cultures and your mind just spins trying to keep up with it all.

Thankfully, one of the main characters is an artist, so some of her sketches are included and we can really see what Sanderson is describing.

(These are pulled straight from the book.)


That is NOT how I initially pictured an axehound.

Sanderson doesn't mess around when it comes to creating new cultures and new places. In Way of Kings, the only familiar animals are hogs and horses. All the others are based off of marine life (eels, and crustaceans, mostly) but they are crazy different from what we know. Even the plants in this book are foreign. I'm used to fantasy where the world is based mostly on our own, with the occasional fantastical element thrown in--dragons, magic, and the like.

This is more than high fantasy. This is over-the-top fantasy. It doesn't read like he's just throwing stuff around, either. It's solid. When he writes a new creature, you can tell he's asked himself, "Okay, how does this fit into the ecosystem? How does it affect the people who live in its environment? Does it help or hinder their economy? How does it react to people? How does it react to magic?" Every question you could think of has been covered. And it's the same for every cultural difference, every character, every place, every thing. Everything is so well-established that even though it's so foreign and new and overwhelming at first, after a little while you're just as used to it as the characters who live there.

Same with his magic systems. They're different with every book, but each one has understandable and even believable rules, with strengths and limitations and exclusions. Each one His magic systems are always solid. And they're always different.

His characters are amazing. He has so many of them, I have no idea how he makes them all so vibrant. Every time he names a new character, you can tell that Sanderson knows this character's whole life story--their habits, their passions, their family life, everything. Even the random shopkeeper the main character runs into is well-rounded and alive.

And those are just the unimportant minor characters who are never seen again. When you get to the main characters, whose stories you do hear, it's like they become a new friend in your life. You know exactly what they would or wouldn't do.

The story was SO GOOD. It's amazing that it was the last hundred pages or so that had me hooked. I'd complain that he used 1100 pages just to lead up to those 100 gripping climax pages, but I really can't complain. All 1100 pages were necessary and made the ending that much more stunning. You get the whole buildup and world-building, and then the end happens and you're genuinely worried about the characters, because you know exactly what implications the revelation will have on the whole world he's created.

I can't wait to read the sequel, Words of Radiance. Unfortunately, it just barely came out, so unless I'm willing to buy a 1300-page brick, I need to wait for the library to get it, then wait on the "hold" list for who knows how long, and then just hope I even have time to read a book that huge.

I have a feeling it's going to be an agonizing wait. Knowing Sanderson, all the things he hinted at in this first book won't really be understood or resolved until Book 10. ):( Oh well. I'm just glad I've found an author who never fails to entertain me. After Harry Potter ended, there was this empty part in my soul that longed for another long, wonderful series to read. Now I think I've found it. :)


Words of Radiance, here I come!

Monday, March 10, 2014

Doodles in the Margins: BEARS!!

I have a longer post planned for tomorrow, I promise! But for now, here's another drawing--the second in my series of "Lucky Animals of March". 


Sadly, a lot of those traditions of revering and worshipping bears involved raising a baby bear from infancy (they would feed it and clothe it better than their own children), then sacrificing the bear to send its spirit to heaven (basically so the bear could put in a good word for them to the gods), and then they'd have a big feast (with the bear meat as the main meal) and party for a few days.

The things you learn from Wikipedia. :)

Sunday Soliloquy: the Grass is Greener


I really like this. And I'm short on time today (THANKS Daylight Savings *sarcasm*). So I'm just gonna leave it up to you:

What do YOU think this means?

Saturday, March 8, 2014

Deadline: Explore, Dream, Discover

(This is a short essay that I wrote and submitted for our Stowaway staff essay contest--it was mandatory, hence the blandness. But I got it done, so here it is!)

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." 
 --Mark Twain
 



When one reads the quote by Mark Twain about avoiding regrets by exploring, dreaming, and discovering, one undoubtedly thinks of that dream vacation yet to be taken--that bucket list destination that must be visited--that sight that must be seen before the end of one's life.

Sadly, we human beings are creatures of habit. How many of us actually follow through with our plans and go exploring somewhere new? It seems that any worthwhile adventure takes dedication, money, and time that we simply don't have. It is easier and more convenient to stay at home and keep wishing.

But how far can our dreams really extend if we don't step outside and explore, even if it's just to the next city over? Travel isn't just about bucket lists and accomplishments. It's about opening our eyes to new worlds and different ways of life.

Exploring, dreaming, and discovering aren't all part of one single journey. It doesn't happen over one weekend. Rather, it is through exploring that our dreams are kindled and further discoveries are made. It is a cycle, that can continue throughout our lives if we let it.

By exploring, we see that there are other ways to live life. This revelation can occur even close to home, but the farther out of your comfort zone you go, the heavier the impact the trip has on your life. Once these new steps are taken, and new things are seen, we start to imagine new things we could try--new ways to live. Thus, dreams are born. When we dream, and really work to fulfill those dreams, we discover that we are capable of so much more than we ever even imagined. Our lives change forever, and we can never go back, even when we physically return home.

Once that sense of discovery and adventure has been kindled, the next natural step is to explore further. There are so many things to see in this world, and not nearly enough time to see them all. But it is important that we all try to keep our exploratory nature alive. Without it, our dreams fade into the monotony of everyday tasks. Fresh discoveries become stale. We continue on the same path, never knowing how enriched our lives could be if only we continued exploring.

And so, let us all take Mark Twain's words to heart: "Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."


Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Freewrite: Say What?

You ever have one of those times where someone asks you a question and you think you hear it correctly, but you really don't? This just happened to me at work today, and I feel like a colossal idiot, so I'm blogging about it to feel better. :)

So I work in the Biology Department, right? My job is to answer phones and be nice to students and tell everyone who they need to talk to. I actually do very little question-answering myself. I typically just hear the problem and point the student in the right direction to where they can find the solution.

Well today, this kid came in all sheepish and asked, "Hey, do you know anyone who works with Brian Shrimp?"

I squinted at him sympathetically. "Brian Shrimp? Hmm... I don't." I reached for the campus directory. "Which department is he in, do you know?"

"...Um...No I just... need to find... Brian Shrimp..."

I looked through the directory under the S's and found nothing. "Sorry," I said, "If I knew which department he's in I could redirect you, but without more information..."

I kind of shrugged helplessly. He smiled helplessly and said, "Okay, no problem, I'll just keep looking."

"Good luck!" I said. The picture of competence.

He left, and I went back to work on the computer, typing away, checking the clock...

Then suddenly--

It hit me.

Not Brian Shrimp



BRINE shrimp!!!


Do I know anyone who works with brine shrimp?? Of COURSE I do! This is the biology department!

I felt like such an idiot. I immediately left my desk and ran down the hall to catch up with the guy, who had thankfully stopped to talk to someone else. Without preamble I blurted, "I'm such an idiot! Yeah I can help you!"

We went back to the office and I found him a professor who's literally an expert on brine shrimp.

It was so stupid. After all that I've learned in my ELang classes, I should have known that we pronounce "brine" and "Brian" almost exactly the same way, and reworked in my mind what the guy was asking. In all fairness, he was being really vague and he didn't pick up on the fact that I was totally confused. Plus, most of the questions I get in any given day are just about people and places, not about tiny crustaceans, so it took my mind a moment to catch up.

The important thing is that I realized my mistake in time and helped that poor guy out.

Just another day at work in the Biology Department.