Sunday Soliloquy: Easter Sunday

It's been a while since I did a Sunday Soliloquy, which is indicative of my overall state lately. I've been in kind of a slump, thanks in part to bad shoes making it hard to exercise and school stress killing my happy moods.

But now school is just about over for me forever, and on this Easter Sunday, I'm looking ahead with a "brightness of hope".

I'm so grateful for the Atonement of our Savior, Jesus Christ. This holiday isn't celebrated nearly as enthusiastically as Christmas, but Easter is undoubtedly more important.

Today is the celebration of when Jesus Christ took upon Him all our sins. He suffered the punishment Himself, so that when we feel remorse for the mistakes we've made and do our best to change our lives around, we can escape those punishments.

The laws of justice say that someone must suffer for sins, but by doing all the suffering Himself, Jesus Christ fulfilled the conditions for a law of mercy. Now, if we do all we can to change, God can forgive us. His Son saved us from the eternal torment that so many of us have deserved at some point in our lives.

As if that weren't wonderful enough, Jesus Christ then went on to give His life and take it up again. He essentially took the law of physical death and broke it, so that all of us will live again, with perfect bodies, with our families, never to suffer physical pains again.

Today as I'm reflecting on that gift that God gave us, I'm sad for all the sins that Jesus Christ had to suffer for because of me. I keep making mistakes, retroactively putting a heavier burden on His shoulders.

And I'm so amazed by the fact that He did it not because He had to, but because He wanted to. He loves me, even when I keep falling. He knew how many sins I would weigh Him down with, but He submitted to the Atonement anyways. He is all-forgiving.

I'm so grateful that He would do that for me. Now, because of Him, when I look back on my mistakes, I can know that those mistakes don't define me. They don't cripple me forever and condemn me to eternal torment. Because now I'm changing my ways and moving forward as a new person.

Jesus Christ made that possible. He made it possible for us to put aside the natural man and change for the better, despite the mistakes that we've made in the past. He ensured that death is not the end. We have a glorious future to look forward to if we do what's right, accept His help, and thoroughly repent by never going back to where we were.

Right now I confess that my scripture reading has been superficial, my prayers kind of hurried, and my priorities skewed. I wasted too much time this last semester. I now weigh more than I have in almost four years.

But all that can change, thanks to my Savior and Redeemer, Jesus Christ. Every choice I make that brings me a step forward puts me in reach of His help. He carries me through the challenges whenever I turn to Him. And I fully intend to turn to Him more and more each day, now that I'm leaving college life behind and facing a future as a responsible, spiritual adult.

I should have made this change a long time ago, but I'm grateful that it's never too late. I can keep smiling, despite my past, knowing that I have a bright future ahead of me.

On a side note, I have the best grandparents. I decided last minute that I was going to spend Easter weekend with them in Salt Lake, and we dyed Easter eggs last night. Then I woke up this morning to find that they'd even put together an Easter basket for me. So sweet! I'm really glad I decided to spend this wonderful holiday with them, instead of staying at home where it would have just been like any other Sunday.

Freewrite: Country Dancing

I have a confession. I am really insecure when it comes to dancing.

Dances are probably my least favorite social events. I'm the kind of person that likes playing games with a small group, where we can laugh and talk together and really get to know one another.

See doesn't this look fun? I bet one of those girls gets engaged to that guy by the end of the day. 

Dances are the exact opposite. It's crowded and loud and sweaty and so shallow that you never really get to know new people. At least, not unless you leave the dance hall and talk somewhere quieter.

"Oh sorry, I thought you were my friend. Have you seen my friend? How do I get out of here? What'd you say?"

Plus, random dancing just isn't my thing. I don't know what to do with my arms. Or my hips. Or my feet. I just kind of jump up and down and whip my hair back and forth and hope that by at least moving and pretending to have fun I'll avoid detection as "The Girl Who Can't Dance".

But I've always loved the idea of really learning how to dance. There's nothing quite so mesmerizing (to me, at least) as a couple who can just get together and dance so gracefully, it's like they've been practicing their whole lives. Swing, salsa, country, waltz, hip-hop--it doesn't matter what kind of dance, I would love to do it if I just knew how.

Of course, learning how to do it requires dance classes. Which involve dancing with strangers. And showing everyone that you can't dance. So... I've never taken a dance class. As much as I love the idea.

So when it turned out that a guy I like loves going dancing every week, I was both extra attracted to him and extra insecure.

The first time he asked me to go swing dancing with him and his friends, I was an idiot and said no because A) I really did already have plans, B) I psyched myself out and convinced myself that I wasn't sure if he really liked me, and C) I can't dance.

My friends gave me a super hard time for not going (because that really was stupid of me, and really I could've changed my plans), and so this last week I decided to avoid the same situation.

I knew that he and his friends were going to go dancing again on Tuesday night, and I knew that if I was home, they would come around and invite me, and I knew that I wouldn't be in the mood again.

So I did the cowardly, passive-aggressive thing. After dinner, I went back on campus and stayed there until 9:00pm, specifically to avoid the dance-goers.

"Please don't see me. Please don't see me. I'm not home."

I know, I know, I'm an idiot. And I'm really only posting this because I know any friends who would tease me about it don't follow my blog.

Thankfully, Heavenly Father must have also thought I was an idiot, because He arranged an intervention.

It was 9:10pm, and I thought, "Okay. They leave the Colony at 9:00, which means that if I go home now, they'll already be at the dance. I'm safe." I packed up my things and headed for home.

To my horror, as I was exiting the building, the dance group was entering.

Keep in mind, I was in the JKB, which is a Linguistics and English Language building. There's no dance rooms there. So it was the most divine-intervention-y thing that when their swing dance club was canceled, they decided to clear a classroom in the JKB and country dance there instead.

I mean really, what are the odds??

"You guys will not believe what happened today."

They were so happy to see me, of course, and immediately invited me to join them in some country dance. My first thought was, "Oh well at least I've been studying all day. Now I have an excuse to go home."

That's exactly what I told them, too. They were disappointed, but they said goodnight and I headed on my way.

I made it to the bottom of the building steps before something made me stop.

It was the weirdest thing. I just stopped short before I even thought to. Something inside me said, Carly, you need to go back and hang out with them. Come on, girl!

"No," I told the voice. "I was specifically trying to avoid this."

I took another three steps, and then stopped again. This wasn't an accident. No way. This is your chance to get to know those people better. And really, what are the odds that you'll hate it? You might have the time of your life! Get in there!!

Still internally protesting, I found myself turning around and running back into the building, hoping I hadn't lost the group.

"Okay, okay, I'm going."

They hadn't gone far. I found them in an empty classroom, where they'd pushed and stacked all the desks against the walls and used the classroom computer to play a country music station on Pandora.

As expected, they were super surprised when I came dashing into the room, saying, "I changed my mind. I'm tired of studying. I want to do something fun tonight."

They were so happy to have me! Everyone quickly paired up and started dancing to the music. For about thirty seconds, I hung back by the wall, watching how coordinated they were and hoping I would be included and have fun.

Enter Greg. Definitely the resident expert in Country Dance, he immediately asked me to dance with him, then walked me through some basic dance moves.

He was the perfect instructor. I barely even had to think about what to do. He just took my hands and pushed or spun or pulled so smoothly that I always knew what I was expected to do. For probably the first time in my whole life, I felt like I was dancing.

It helped that the footwork was so simple. Aside from a two-step, the rest of the time it's just what you do with your hands that matters, and that was easy because we were holding hands the whole time.

It was perfect! It was awesome! I had an absolute blast!

Even more fun than these people are having!

The only downside was that I wasn't wearing good dancing clothes. I was wearing only a tank top under a jacket, so when we got moving and it got hot I couldn't take off my jacket.

Also, I wasn't wearing a good sporty bra, and the dancing involved a lot of reaching your arms over your head. So... everything kept falling out of place, if you know what I mean.

Thankfully my jacket hid enough of it, but there just came a point where I had to step back and say, "Okay whoa I need to step out for a minute and readjust." Of course that was the instant that the guy I like asked me to dance with him.

I hope he didn't think my crestfallen expression was because I didn't want to dance with him. I just told him I needed a second out in the hallway for some fresh air. I ran out there and fixed my clothes a bit, and then as soon as he was done dancing with another girl I asked for my turn with him.

I think I smoothed everything over, but you know, I'm insecure so I'm trying not to convince myself that he now thinks I hate him and didn't want to dance with him.

Long story short, I learned a lot of super fun country dance moves. I successfully had a positive dancing experience where I felt completely competent. I got to know new people. People I already knew saw me as more fun and spontaneous. And I had a wonderful time.

So I'm pretty thankful to Heavenly Father for setting that all up. I thought I could hide my cowardice from my roommates and my dancing friends, but of course I couldn't hide it from God. He was just watching me pretend to study on campus for four hours, thinking, "Oh no, this won't do. We need to get this girl to do something fun." Then he set it up just perfectly for me to run into the very group I was avoiding. In a building it made no sense for them to go to for a dance party. So that I could have a very enjoyable night, when I'd been planning on being a loner.

Isn't life awesome?

Enjoy some more photos. Because this post didn't have enough already. These ones are actually of my friends. I'm not in any of them, and my camera phone fails at action shots, but try to enjoy.

Freewrite: Reading Days

Well, Tuesday I had my very last lecture at BYU. (Like, the VERY. LAST. I'm done!)

Finals start tomorrow and go until Wednesday, but today is a "Reading Day".

That means that my friends, who all have actual tests, are doing this today:

While I'm spending "Reading Day" like this:

Sometimes I really love being an English Language major.

Character: Jackson. The cutest nephew in the world.

For a while, I've been wanting to do segments titled "Characters"--just posts about random cool people I meet. I guess I just haven't had the opportunity (or the inspiration) to write a Character post yet, but today I definitely need to.

Today is the first birthday of my favorite (and okay, only) nephew, Jackson.

Jackson was due to be born on April 6th, 2013, but I guess it just wasn't his time.

His mama sure looked beautiful while she waited, though.

I didn't get to go to Idaho when he was born. I had to settle for a phone call from my mom explaining how everything went. Amanda and Chase were too exhausted to talk at the time (totally understandable), but my mom choked up when she told me about the delivery.

That night I fawned over the photos that Mom sent, and I spent the next few weeks showing his picture to EVERYONE.

I mean, have you ever seen a cuter one-day-old baby in your life??

I didn't get to actually meet Jackson until he was a few months old. Amanda provided lots of photos, but it wasn't until I got to hold him in my own arms that it really hit me. I'm an aunt. God blessed my sister and brother-in-law with parenthood. Jackson was the newest member of our family, and just looking at him gave me a warm feeling of innocence and potential. A few months delayed, I cried over the miracle of birth, and the blessing I knew this sweet spirit would be in our lives.

This was the very first time I ever held him.

And this was a few months later. He always looks SO happy to be with me. :)

Now a year has gone by, and still I've only been able to observe Jackson mostly from afar. I've only been with him four times.

But even just with pictures, I am inspired by him. He is one handsome boy. His smile melts my heart. He's the most cheerful child. And, as with all babies, it's so fun to watch him discover things. We take this world so much for granted, but babies remind us what a blessing it all is. They help us feel closer to God, and help us appreciate what's most important in our lives.

His first Christmas lights.

And he was so happy even though it was past his bedtime.

He's practically glowing with wonder!

So Jackson, I know you're way too young to read this at the moment, but I just have to say thank you. Thank you for being here. Thank you for showing me what matters most--for giving me this chance to better myself so that I can be a good example to you as you continue to learn and grow.

Look at you, so grown up!!

I live a state away now, but I hope that over time we will grow ever closer. I hope you come to think of me as the "fun" aunt. I hope we go on many adventures together. I can't wait to see what hobbies you pick up, what you decide to do that makes you happy, who you become.

I promise to always be there for you if you need me. I owe you, after all you've done even in just this first year of your life to make me so happy.

I love you!

---Aunt Carly

Movie Review: Captain America: The Winter Soldier

Tonight I got to go see an actual blockbuster movie in an actual full-price, huge-screen movie theater! The last time I did that was over Christmas break, and I missed it so much. I'm glad I got to spend the extra time and money on a movie as awesome as Captain America: The Winter Soldier.

The first Captain America movie was okay. I enjoyed it, it wasn't terrible, but it did kind of feel like they just threw it together in a rush because they needed to get everything set up for The Avengers. I didn't feel a whole lot of empathy for the characters, the conflict seemed kind of cheesy, and it seemed so short.

 But this movie made up for its predecessor's weakness. 

You know it's a great movie when you're fearfully looking at your watch thinking, "Oh no! It's only got 30 minutes left! But it's so awesome I don't want it to end yet!" 

This was just such a great movie overall. I had no idea what the movie was actually going to be about, and so the whole plot caught me by surprise and just swept me right off my feet. It was darker and edgier than the first movie, with S.H.I.E.L.D. highly involved, to give it more of an "Avengers" feel. 

The characterization was great. They set up the bad guy so well to make him a legit danger to the cast. He was absolutely brilliant. Probably my favorite villain in this whole Avengers arc so far. And they gave every other character a defining moment to establish their nature well enough to make you really care about them. Or hate them. Depending on the character. 

I was especially surprised with how much character development Nick Fury and Natasha got. It was great! I love how these Marvel movies are all just sharing their characters. Like, "Okay, we need another Captain America movie. Here, we'll lend you Director Fury and Black Widow to get you started. Just bring them back alive, okay? Okay! Have fun!" 

Speaking of which, apparently each director has his own idea of what Natasha should look like, because her hairstyle, hair color, and make-up change drastically between movies. 

See? I'm not the only one who noticed this. It's crazy how completely different she looks between movies. Maybe it's part of her character to routinely alter her appearance, just to throw off her enemies. But no matter how I cut my hair over the course of a few years, I NEVER change which side I part my hair. And look at her, going from left to right to middle like it's no big deal. That would drive me insane! Also her hair has gotten progressively straighter over the years. I'm curious to see what she'll look like in Avengers 2.

And actually, even her character seems to have changed a lot over time. In Iron Man 2, she was the sexy secretary who also happened to be a secret agent who could kick butt. In the Avengers, she was more deep-voiced and serious. Now, in Captain America, she's sassy and emotional. Again, is this just how she lives--changing herself to throw off her enemies? I dunno. It's definitely throwing me off. I don't really know who this character is anymore. 

But Nick Fury was expanded on a lot, and he had some really cool moments. 

The action was really well-done. The fun thing with Captain America is that there aren't superpowers to make the action over-the-top. Yeah, Steve is extra strong, and the Winter Soldier was extra strong, but mostly there was just amazing technology helping everyone out in fights. It was impressive CGI, and the conflict was realistic enough to really keep me on the edge of my seat. I wasn't sure if certain characters would actually die (if they were allowed to die--didn't they need to be in Avengers 2??). It kept me on the edge of my seat.

So I give it 5/5, and recommend that everybody see it. I hope this is just the first of many amazing movies to come this summer!

* BIG FAT SPOILERS AHEAD!!!* (Don't read past this point. Sarah, I'm looking at you.)

Am I the only one who could tell just from the trailer and movie poster that Bucky was the Winter Soldier? I feel like it was supposed to be this well-kept secret, and nobody told me ahead of time that it was him, but I already knew, going into the movie, that it was going to be Bucky. It's not like I've read the comics or anything. Maybe I just recognized the actor because I'd already seen him on Once Upon a Time. In any case, I'm just curious if this was supposed to be a secret or if everyone knew this before they saw the movie. I feel like at least fans of the comics already knew.

Even knowing it was him, though, I had no clue how he had gone from Steve's best friend in the 30s to some super villain in the 2010s. THAT was an interesting surprise. Poor Bucky's story was heartbreaking. I'm glad that they left it unresolved until next time. This is a storyline that needs some serious attention, not a quick fix. 

I think this awesome fan-made Harry Potter quote says it best:

Doodle in the Margins: Aralin

Wow, I am not doing very good about posting lately. In my defense, this is basically Finals Week for me. All my friends take their finals in the testing center two weeks from now, but lucky me, all my classes require projects and presentations that are due earlier.

So, for the sake of time, here's a drawing I done did the other day:

Her name is Aralin, and she's the main character I've been working with since I was about 15.  Unlike my drawing of Yiska earlier, I'm actually satisfied with the way this shape-shifter turned out. That is all.

Freewrite: Marketing Insight

So today I was on my way to Stowaway when I saw a group of people gathered in front of the library. I'd already passed a group of field trippers, so I figured it was an extension of that.

Then I got closer.

Suddenly, a llama!

I quickly realized that this was THE BEST marketing strategy ever. I'm used to people passing out flyers and chasing you down on campus, trying to promote this or that. 

(The Wilk is the worst perpetrator. I intentionally go around the hallway that's lined with booths and people hawking their charities and events to the poor passersby.)

But here, the guy with the llama didn't have to say a word. He just stood there on the sidewalk with his llama, and I immediately beelined right up to him and asked, "Why is there a llama on campus?". I knew he was probably trying to sell or promote something, but it didn't matter--he had a llama. 

I listened with rapt attention as he told me about his high adventure fundraiser that involves Peru and hiking and llamas. He gave me a sticker and a flyer for an event on Saturday, and even encouraged me to take a selfie with the llama, because it's part of some scavenger hunt he's putting on. 

I didn't want to be that person who takes selfies every five minutes, but this moment required a selfie.

Its name is Mr. Tangerine, for Pete's sake! Look how pretty and fluffy he is! He was so soft and had the cutest brown eyes and I never thought I would be one of those people who loves llamas but now I am.

I mean, this advertiser had me wrapped around his little finger. Were it not for my solidified plans on Saturday, I totally would have dropped everything and gone to his fundraiser event. 

It was the best marketing. I came to him, and I was genuinely interested in what he had to say just because there was a llama involved. 

The moral of the story is that if I ever have to market something, I now know the perfect way to do it. It doesn't even have to be a llama--just get a box of ducklings or a big dog or even a possum, and nobody will feel put off by your advertising. They'll want to talk to you, if it means they can get a selfie in return.