Sunday Soliloquy: Dad, This One's For You

(I don't own this photo. I just found it here.)

Today (in about four hours) I get to give a talk in sacrament meeting about fathers! The member of our bishopric who asked me seemed worried that I would say no, but I was actually really excited. Men (especially men in the Church) have been getting such a bad rap lately, and I am so happy that I get to publicly honor them today.

So here's a copy of the talk I'll give. And don't worry, I won't be starting it with the typical Mormon talk openers. ;)

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A few years ago, my dad told us about a dream he had. In the dream, we were all at our family vacation spot, with our aunts, uncles, and cousins. My dad, for whatever reason, was showing off by jumping over the tall flames of the fire pit where we were all gathered to roast marshmallows. He safely cleared the fire pit every time and was feeling pretty good about himself. But then, after another successful jump, he turned around and saw, to his horror, that one of the little cousins had decided to mimic him. The boy was too small to make the jump, and he fell right into the flames.

That dream really shook my dad up. He felt that it was a warning, not of literal future events, but of the influence that my dad’s actions have on those who look up to him and want to be like him. He said that it gave him greater conviction to teach his children. To lead them down a safe path. To not toy with spiritual dangers, but to avoid them completely.

That’s just one of the many life lessons my dad has taught me, and it's stuck with me. I can say with confidence that he has done right in the sight of the Lord, to lead his family in righteousness. That's what it means to be a father. 

Fathers everywhere have such tremendous influence over families, for better or worse. I believe the world is a much better place when men do all they can to be good fathers.

If you haven’t seen the movie Courageous, you really should go find it and watch it. It’s an amazing movie about four fathers who make a pact to be more involved with their families and more active in teaching their children about God. In the end, one of the fathers gives a speech. It’s a bit long, but I want to quote it now: “I now believe that God desires for EVERY father to courageously step up and do whatever it takes to be involved in the lives of his children. But more than just being there providing for them, he is to walk with them through their young lives and be a visual representation of the character of God, their father in heaven. A father should love his children, and seek to win their hearts. He should protect them, discipline them, and teach them about God. He should model how to walk with integrity and treat others with respect, and should call out his children to become responsible men and women, who live their lives for what matters in eternity.  

“[...] There are some men, who regardless of the mistakes we've made in the past, regardless of what our fathers did NOT do for us, will give the strength of our arms and the rest of our days to loving God with all that we are and to teach our children to do the same. And whenever possible to love and mentor others who have no father in their lives, but who desperately need help and direction. And we are inviting any man whose heart is willing and courageous, to join us in this resolution.

“In my home, the decision has already been made. You don't have to ask who will guide my family, because by God's grace, I will. You don't have to ask who will teach my son to follow Christ, because I will. Who will accept the responsibility of providing and protecting my family? I will. Who will ask God to break the chain of destructive patterns in my family's history? I will. Who will pray for, and bless my children to boldly pursue whatever God calls them to do? I am their father. I will. I accept this responsibility and it is my privilege to embrace it. I want the favor of God and his blessing on my home. Any good man does.

“So where are you men of courage? Where are you, fathers who fear the Lord? It's time to rise up and answer the call that God has given to you and to say I will. I will. I will!”

I love that movie so much, even though I’ll never be a father. :)

Prophets have long talked about the importance of leading by example and taking control of your own life to improve the lives of your families.

President Harold B. Lee said that "The greatest work you will ever do will be within the walls of your own home."

I’m really grateful to be able to say that my dad has done his best to follow the prophets’ counsel and teach us by example what we need to do to improve spiritually.

Thanks to him, I’m now a big believe in the power of little daily things that have eternal consequences. One of the things my dad really enforced my whole life was the tradition of daily family prayer. Before we all left the house for school and work, we would all have to kneel in a circle, hold hands, and say a prayer. And we had to kiss both mom and dad goodbye before we could leave the circle. That’s what we’ve been doing for as long as I can remember. Even when we were super impatient to get to school on time, we made sure to hold hands and say proper goodbyes for just a brief moment every day. I’m so glad my dad enforced that behavior, because on days when tempers were high, we still had to hold hands and pray together, unified for at least a few minutes each day. I think that had a big role in holding us together as a family.

Another thing he never neglected was weekly family church attendance. If we ever protested that we didn’t want to go to church because it was our right to not go if we didn’t want to, he would answer, “You’re right, you definitely have the freedom to choose what to do. You can choose a yellow parachute or a green parachute or a red parachute, but there’s no way I’m letting you jump out of the plane with no parachute at all.” 

For him, letting us “exercise our agency” by neglecting spiritual things was as foolish as letting us exercise our will by jumping out of a plane with no parachute. It was no light decision for him. But he never forced us to do anything. He didn’t drag us kicking and screaming to the car. He’d just explain the doctrine, bear his testimony of the consequences of missing church, then go wait for us out in the car. We were often tempted to just be stubborn and stay home, but we didn’t want to let our dad down, so we’d grab everything and race out the door. We’d often still be pouting, but we’d be there in church as a family.

My dad has always been an example of patient perseverance. My sisters and I were such brats sometimes. There are four of us and we’re close in age, so the teenage years were kind of hard. My poor dad would come home to find the house a mess and his daughters and wife screaming at each other. No doubt it wasn’t an environment he liked coming home to. I wonder if he ever just felt like not coming home at all. But he always did. He always came home and worked to set things right between us. We got through it. And now we’re all thanking him for his patience, realizing how wrong we were. We do all we can not to burden him again, and no doubt he’ll be blessed exponentially for what he did to keep our family together and on the right path.

These little things have taught me so much over the years. I'm grateful for his lessons from the scriptures and by example. I'm grateful for his leadership as a father. For the legacy of faith he's done his part to keep strong. He made it so clear that happiness lies in obedience to the gospel (not just to him), and that he expects nothing less of us than to continue that legacy of testimony and faith.

But, as the Courageous quote said earlier, you don’t have to already have a strong family legacy to make one of your own. You men don’t even have to be fathers yet to start your family legacy. You still have the power to have a fatherly influence. People talk all the time about how we women might not be mothers but we still have the maternal instincts that make us mother figures. I believe the same is true of men. You can exercise your paternal instincts now, in little ways. Be a good example to those around you. Serve others. Strengthen your fellow men and help each other become good fathers.

And I know that there are many who haven’t had a father’s good influence in their lives for whatever reason. I can’t imagine what that’s like, but I can testify that there are great men following the gospel of Jesus Christ who will gladly do what they can do fill that void.

The summer before college, I lived a state away from my dad, and I realized that I hadn't gotten a father’s blessing before I left home. I was pretty devastated, not wanting to start this new phase of life without one. Then I felt prompted to ask my uncle for a blessing instead. I was a little worried that, without knowing me as well as my dad, the blessing would be short and impersonal. I couldn’t have been more wrong. I’d forgotten that all blessings that come from worthy priesthood holders actually come straight from God. Even though I’d never confided my deepest fears to my uncle, he addressed all of them. He knew just what to say. 

I had a similar experience on my mission, when I asked a district leader for a blessing. I barely knew him and I gave him no explanation for why I wanted a blessing, but the Spirit flowed through him, and I felt that my Heavenly Father was near, even if my earthly father was a continent away. 

I love knowing that even now, in this ward I’m very new in, I could ask any one of you men to represent my Heavenly Father and give me comfort and guidance when I need it. God may not have given us all the same family units, but He will provide us all with the blessings and relationships we yearn for, if we seek for it. I'm grateful to all the men in my life who have acted in His name to help me out.

And that brings me to the best father of all--our Heavenly Father.

“Father, Consider Your Ways” says, “Fatherhood, in a sense, is an apprenticeship to godhood [...] The title father is sacred and eternal. It is significant that of all the titles of respect and honor and admiration that are given to Deity, He has asked us to address Him as Father.

Our Heavenly Father loves us as His children, and He wants us to be happy. I testify of that. When I was waiting for my mission call, I kept having deep-rooted insecurity issues. I had recurring nightmares where I’d get a letter in the mail from the first presidency, but it wouldn’t be a call. It would be a rejection. I’d be too overweight. I’d be too weak spiritually. I’d be too unworthy because of my past sins. I was sure the Lord couldn’t want me to represent Him.

When my call came in the mail, I opened it all by myself because I was afraid I would be disappointed, and I didn’t want my family to see in my eyes that I was disappointed. In that moment, by myself, I felt the Spirit more strongly than I’d ever felt it before. It was like God was there, sitting beside me with his arm around my shoulders, holding me close and saying, “Don’t you worry, Carly. I love you. You are worthy, and you are strong enough to do this, and I’ve prepared a mission experience for you that is even better than you dared pray for.”

I’ll never forget that moment. Even as my memories of the last few years get dimmer, that feeling is sharp and indismissable. 

Heavenly Father loves us all so much. He is the greatest Father, and we should really honor Him today too. And every day, really.

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland taught: “After generations of prophets had tried to teach the family of man the will and the way of the Father, usually with little success, God in His ultimate effort to have us know Him, sent to earth His Only Begotten and perfect Son, created in His very likeness and image, to live and serve among mortals in the everyday rigors of life.

“The Father … doeth the works,” [Jesus] said in earnest. “The Son can do nothing of himself, but what he seeth the Father do: for what things soever [the Father] doeth, these also doeth the Son likewise.” On another occasion He said: “I speak that which I have seen with my Father.” “I do nothing of myself; but as my Father hath taught me.” “I came down from heaven, not to do mine own will, but the will of him that sent me.”

Sometimes we feel distant from our Heavenly Father, but we have the scriptures to remind us who He is and how much He loves us. Jesus Christ made it clear that everything He did was what the Father would have done in His situation.

What this means is that God would have gone through the Atonement for us had it been possible. He would have suffered it all to save us, but that’s not how it works. His son Jesus Christ had to do it instead. But think about that. God loves us that much. He would have done it himself. People tend to see God as the harsh judge and Christ as the compassionate one, but Christ reminds us repeatedly that He learned everything from God Himself. All the goodness of Christ is what we can expect from our Heavenly Father when we meet him again.

I testify that this is true. That fatherhood is sacred and wonderful. I’m so grateful for the restored gospel, which has given us this knowledge. I wish all men everywhere a Happy Father’s Day. They deserve it. And I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

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So thank you so much for everything, Dad! I love you so so much.